Josui Writings

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讨厌写作

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BY SZOLKIN, FROM LIFEOFPIX

准确来说,是害怕写作。标题上,我还是想傲慢一把。

一周前,阅读到法国哲学家亨利·柏格森 (French: Henri Bergson) 的变迁理论(English: duration, French: la durée):

Bergson became aware that the moment one attempted to measure a moment, it would be gone: one measures an immobile, complete line, whereas time is mobile and incomplete. For the individual, time may speed up or slow down, whereas, for science, it would remain the same. Hence Bergson decided to explore the inner life of man, which is a kind of duration, neither a unity nor a quantitative multiplicity. Duration is ineffable and can only be shown indirectly through images that can never reveal a complete picture. It can only be grasped through a simple intuition of the imagination.

- Wikipedia

正如柏格森哲学中所说的变迁,我的文字无法抓住任何一个瞬间。以至于,可以肯定的说,在几日以后,我会开始讨厌现在写下的文字。

然而,我还是在写字,这个动作充满着矛盾。

这样一篇随笔里面的文字,是身陷囹圄的。如果说我写字的目的是为了共享,这是不现实的,当她作为思维载体时,并没有能力完全复制观点、态度到读者思维中。当文字有读者时,考验的是写者与读者的相性。而如果说我写字是为了记录,那么她的片面和粗糙总是处于时间线更前端的我不禁摇起头。

我无法用文字表达完整的观点,甚至思维本身也无法投票黑白,就更不能提及表达。但处于那一刻时,会有股极大的冲动,想要刻录下踌躇下注的过程。

所以,我的恐惧与厌恶,来源于对这种变迁、无限次元的极度的不满和憧憬。而充满矛盾的记录,是极傲慢的抵抗,和无知的回忆录。